this is real, this is me.

Another rainy day.

It has been raining this few days.The rain bring back some of the memories from last year.Like when the time me,Syahidah,Afifah,Weijun and Abbas dashed through the rain just to go to greenridge to eat cause we are hungry and in the end we like beggars in the KFC.Abbas said "cold and hungry like beggars".Okay memories.So yah,supposingly we planned to go jogging in the afternoon.But due to the rain,it was cancelled.So today,i spend my day at home.I dont have tuition too.I baked cookies today for tomorrow.Im having a family gathering tomorrow.Guess i will be spending my Sunday with my cousins and also amran and shafiz.They are part of the family too.I have yet to do my homework.I have yet to study for Geography test.Sighh.Im feeling very tired.Im still left with two more weeks before the holiday start.I want to get the mind clear off everything during the holidays.I guess,i dont have much to say today.So goodnight people.

Tried looking away but you are everywhere.I don't like the way you have been lying to me.You may think im gullible and easily to take advantage of but you are wrong.I still know which is right or wrong.I want to run and hide from.I want to be as far as possible away from you.I want to avoid you all my life.Unfortunately,i know i can't.

Labels: i miss your presence.

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

10:28 PM

Hello.

Blog un-privated.

Yeah,i finally unprivate my blog.So my blog now is once again open to all.I will reconsider again about putting up a tagboard.So life for me now is indescribable.Not a word could describe it.I dont even know it myself.Sigh.So far,i have been busy studying for a lot of common tests in school.Results are outand i didnt do well.I was quite disappointed especially for my mathematics paper.I keep sighing and sighing because of my crap results.But i know it wont help.I just have to study even harder.I wish i could retake that papers.In school,it was okay.Been having a lot of laughters with Syahidah.I miss her alot.I kinda feel the silence without her around me almost for every hour like last year.I guess im still not use of not having her around me eventhough it is coming to the end of February.Sigh.Sharmaine is also another one.She has been making jokes that would always make me laugh especially during NPCC.Sighh.Wish i could turn back time.Im talking crap here,arent i?

So yah,today..nothing special.It rain again today.Got my chemistry paper back.Didnt do well too.But i managed to pass.Guess thats a start.Had an E maths test after school.No confidence at all.Sighhh!Tomorrow is Friday.Last day of the week.I have NP tmr.I also have a test for my religious class which i have yet to study for.Sigh.I have to come tomorrow cause i wont be coming for next week religious class due to npcc camp.I dont know what to say anymore.Bye.

It has been two weeks.And im still not over it.But im okay.I couldnt cry anymore cause i happen to run out of tears.I really wish that i dont have to accept this fact.But eventually i have to.As days goes by,i move on but i was wondering why are you gone?Everything i do,it will remind me of you.I tried so hard not to be sad,but i cant.Im too weak to face this alone.I just said goodbye to someone last year and now i have to say another goodbye.I dont think i could survive another goodbye.I just dont have the strength to carry on without you.The support that you gave is too much that now i find it hard to stand up when you are gone.Sigh.I really miss you.How i wish i could listen to your voice again.....its impossible

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

9:54 PM

Im feeling rather vex now.Everything just dont turn out really good.It has been two days.But it keep changing and i dont know why.I felt like crying but i cant.I ran out of tears already.I seriously dont uderstand why must she be like that.She is like a totally different person.She keep forcing me to do something i do not want to do.In the end,i obeyed her because i do not want to upset her.But im not her dog.She raise her voice to me.That is so unlike of her to do that.I almost cried but i didnt cause i do not want others to see me.Why am i so scared of her?I cant find the answer eventually.Sighh.Sometimes i feel so angry at her but i couldnt express my anger towards her.It will just go away after a few minutes.Sigh.When I see her laughing out loud with her friend,i feel sad.I also dont know why.I thought that i could be happy but i cant.But im always happy when im with Syahidah and Sharmaine.Sigh.My life is seriously difficult to understand.But im still enduring to the pain i have been getting from some selfish and ignorant people who do not realised their mistake and blame others instead.Sigh.This people are getting on my last nerves but i was being patient and i do not want to search for trouble.Therefore,i forgive and forget.With me being gullible,nice and weak,this people are taking advantage of me!I hate that the most!

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

9:58 PM

I have fallen sick.Since yesterday night.Being sick is not nice.I rested for almost the whole day.Slept twice today.Didnt eat much except for the porridge mama cooked.I only ate half of it due to my lack of appetite and also my throat that is painful.Abang is sick too.He had been sick since monday.I probably gotten this fever from him or its just that i was lack of rest and sleep this few days.Sigh.I didnt attend my tuition class today.I just sleep,watch tv only today.Thanks Weijun and Afifah for their concern.They are the only ones who knows that im sick i guess.

Im missing you.I remembered the way you used to take care of me when im sick.I cried whenever i think of you.It has been a week plus.I have been strong lately in front of my friends.But im weak again whenever im alone.Like right now.I really miss you.

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

10:12 PM

Today was supposed to be a sad day for.Well at least i plan to.But my bestfriends always make me laugh.Syahidah,Afifah,Sharmaine and Wida.Im glad that i am spending more and more time with Syahidah.I do miss being around her laughing out loud.Today,i had recess with her.We crapped alot.At least i do.I was rather lame today.Before taking our combined science level test,i dropped in her class.Again,i talked crap.Something about spongebob.Yeah it is lame.Yah.Thats us eventually.I have taken alot of common test so far.Some i score well.Some i score average.And some i just failed.Tomorrow i will be having A maths level test.I failed my mock test.Im really hoping for an A for tmr.Pray hard.I just finish my revision.Im sleepy today because i only had a 4 hours sleep yesterday night.So yah.Bye

It has been a week since you are gone.I dont know whether i got over it or not.But im back to normal.I dont know.Perhaps.But i cant stop thinking about you.I miss you alot.I really do.It seems so lonely nowadays without you.I have stop playing music now.I dont know why.I miss you darling=(

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

11:01 PM

How I wish everything that had happened to me now was just a dream.But i keep pinching myself and eventually im awake.As a result,everything that had happened was for real.Sigh.People always say,"tomorrow will a better day if its not today."Well for me it is not.Instead,everyday is the worse for me.Sigh.I have been keeping everything to myself ever since __ left.I have no one to confide in or its just that im scared of telling others.I feel rather horrible inside.Every night i keep crying myself to sleep.In school,all the smiles and laughters around my friends were fake.When im alone,I started to be sad again.I dont like it this way.I seriously dont.I want to be like normal again whereby im always happy every now and then and the smiles and laughters were all real!I tried moving on and look ahead.But i cant.I really cant.Everything i do,everywhere i go will remind me of ___.Friends have been treating me differently nowadays.I just feel so lonely at times.I feel like going back to LA.Sigh.Im terribly upset over what had happened but nobody understand.I want you back.I really do.Sobs.

Life without you is different.It really is.=(

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

10:39 PM

Hello.

Yeap.I start with a normal greetings.Therefore,im okay today.Yes i am.Im feeling very happy,ecstatic,delighted,euphoric,cheerful,content,jubilant.All the synonyms describing happy.Well,im glad that im feeling happy today.Thanks to my friends.They make me to forget all my worries.I guess that is what friends are for.Well,the day started off well.Went to school with friends.Reach on school on time.Perhaps we are lucky.First period,a lesson with mr Aljunied.Going to have a test tomorrow and i have yet to open my book and revised it.Will be doing that after this post.E maths with Mr Mazri was next.Im having trouble understanding it.It is confusing me.Then it was physics.Like i said yesterday,im having trouble memorising the formulas and such.There will be a combined science test on 19 February.Mr Yosef say it is not going to be easy.Omg.Lets panic.Haha.Then it was recess.Followed by a three period of english with Miss Lee.We did some vocabulary exercises.This period is when i laughed a lot with Wida.Complaint it to Miss lee.Haha.She laughed along in fact.Haha.It was a hilarious situation.End the day with a lifeskill period.I learnt something from this period which sounded weird to me cause for the last two years,i find it a waste of time but today its different.Maybe the topic has something to do with me.Did some surveys.Went home.Dropped by Lot 1 to buy a present for my elder brother birthday.Went Aunt house to get some things for mummy.Went home.Took shower.Change.Went to visit him.Went home.Catch the chinese show.It was the last episode.Okay.Im done with my daily routine.Haha.Im crapping here.Alright.

I learnt something meaningful today.Friends are somebody you rely on when you are down.Treasure them before its too late.One more thing is this phrase,"We cannot add days to life but can add life to days".Simply it mean we cannot extend our life but we can make our days more meaningful.Something like that.I thought about it.I remembered my Grandad.If only,i could still spend my time with him.I miss sharing my problems with him.Im bottling everything inside my heart now.But slowly,i will tell my friends about it.Im doing fine now.Things are better for me and I thanked Allah for that.

Live your life to the fullest.With that,i say goodbye,(:

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

8:25 PM

Sigh.

Normally i would start with a hello.But today i actually started with a sigh.Maybe today,i really feel like sighing a lot.I dont know why.Im addled.A lot of things is on my mind right now.I cant think properly.Homework is clearly bugging me.I find physics a hassle right now because i don't know how to do the questions.I understand the formula and such but i cant seem to apply it on my work today.Perhaps i really am worn out.I didnt have enough sleep yesterday or the last few nights.Keep coming back home from school later than usual.Therefore,im lack of rest.Im relieved that im no longer sick or anything.If not,i will be absent from school and i cant afford to miss out any lessons.Im lagging behind.I must catch up if i want to sustain my grades.Sigh.With the things that is going on,im praying hard that i wont fall again like the past.I have nothing to say anymore.Im blogging out of boredom here.Sigh...

Maybe for a moment,i think that i could not carry on like this.I will make everybody worry about me.Dont you think so?Im gonna make myself happy no matter what it takes.I got to get this over with.Like seriously.Sometimes i hate feeling forlorn.But it cant be help.Its a natural feeling at times.Probably,a talk to a friend will help me.But who?Im not a person who like to let out everything to a person.Hmm,maybe it is really a complicated situation for me.But im going to be strong though.I wish my late grandad was here.I could let everything out to him.Sigh..

Last but not least, Happy Birthday to Amirah.I miss you bestfriend.Hope to meet you soon. In fact,im missing my primary school friends.The last time i actually be with them is last two years ago.Hoping that this year i could meet them.

Dont give up or you will be letting yourself down.With that,i end my post for today.Bye.

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

5:33 PM

Hello.

Probably this post is going to be another random one.Cause day by day,i just dont know what to blog about.It seems that my life is rather boring huh.Alright,today,i caught another flu.Its not so bad.Just keep sneezing in the morning but it is better in the afternoon.Had tuition too today.Another two hours of maths.Went to visit him.Went home.Watch tv.Read a book.Did some homeworks which i stop halfway cause i was feeling rather sleepy.I took a nap for like about thirty minutes.Yeah its pathetic.Woke up.Took a shower.Ate dinner.Thought of doing the other half of my homeworks but i just dont have the mood to do that.With the earpiece in my ear,songs in my head,i finished reading a book.I felt calm but had butterflies in my stomach for no reason.I was feeling rather sick too at the same time.Really weird.But who cares.Sat down on my chair,faced my laptop and went bloghopping.Yah thats all i did.I sounded really restless right?And my post is rather out of point.It is because my mind is blank.Seriously,i have nothing to write about.Im just spouting nonsense here.And yah im have removed my tagboard.Dont blame me.Blame that ridiculous spammer who is really stubborn and wont stop his nonsense.Soon,im going to private this blog.And those who want me to relink or link you,let me know when im online.Alright?And once i have private my blog,if you want to be invited,tell me your email address too.

I realised that people these days are feeling rather upset and down over the things that had happened in their life.Well it is just the start of 2009 and it is this bad.They are hoping that it would be better in the days ahead.I hope for that too.The start has not been what i expected it to be.But of course we cant predict the future.It just happened to be that way.There is nothing i could.I can only hope for the best and pray that it would better.

I told ya this post is a random one.Amran say "be random is much better than being nothing".
He craps alot but he cheered me up with his nonsense.He has always been the dearest brother ever.(not my real brother,he is my Kak Reen bf.Therefore,i treat him as my brother.)Other than him,Shafiz is another brother who has always been there for me too.These are my two "brothers" who cares a lot about their lil sis,ME.I really miss syawal.Never did i think that he would be in such state.

Like i said,life is unpredictable.With that,i will end my post.Bye.

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

9:45 PM

Hello.

It has been a long time since i actually blog.Maybe about a week plus i never blog.I have been busy.A lot of things had happened and i just dont have time to blog.When i say a lot of things had happened,it is not that a lot but they are major ones.Yah okay,lets put that aside as i managed to pull through after a week plus of darkness.Wow,i actually use darkness to describe it.Okay.Yah so far,i have been busy with school works.Tests and homeworks are making me feeling very stress and tired.But that is what school is all about right?So no point i keep complaining about it.So far,the marks for the tests i took is satisfying but i know i could do better if i had study harder.Im worried about this one test and that is my malay.Im scared that i will fail.Hopefully not.Other than studies,my cca is quite fine.Planning for the upcoming camp is going well.I think.Looking forward for the camp.Also,im currently involve in an annual parade with Sharmaine and 4 other secondary 2 students.Today was the first training.I swear i had thoughts of quitting because it was seriously tiring.In my condition,i dont think i could hold on.Well i dont know.Still thinking about it.I still have to rush to go to my religious class.Religious class is fine too.I learn new informations almost for every lesson.There will be a test at the end of february.Sighh.See how busy i am.Im not free as i am like when i was in secondary 1 or 2.I guess its different now.Despite all this,i still manage to do the things i have been doing now.Though i have to finish all my work till late at night,i actually dont mind.Only bestfriends will know what im talking about here.Speaking about bestfriends,they have been the best.They are there for me whenever i need them.Been spending my mornings with Amit,Weijun and Haziq.They helped me with my homeworks.Yah they are nice too.Yah bestfriends are nice to me.Im lucky arent i?Well,yah i guess i better stop here.Im removing my tagboard soon by the way.Due to that irritating,immature and uncivilised person who wont stop bothering me.That is so silly.Alriight byebye.(:

Im glad my prayers were granted and im also glad that you are fine now.

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing

11:07 PM